Light is a funny thing to an HSP. Something seemingly so simple, albeit a large part of our lives, can become quite complicated to the sensitive person. I have a difficult relationship with light, it’s another one of my big challenges.Biorhythms, our internal clocks, tend to follow the sun - and for good reason. Historically, daylight is better for hunting - we humans don’t have a well-developed night vision. We aren’t dependent on cycles of light/dark - our natural circadian clock runs roughly on a 24-hour rhythm, so light isn’t necessary to keep our internal clocks running. But what happens when you don’t like light?
I find light jarring. I have a family member who absolutely can NOT get out of bed unless the sunlight is streaming in her face. When she has lived with a north or west facing bedroom, she’s told me about the problems she has rising in the mornings. Conversely, I can sleep easily and soundly* in the light - I actually prefer it. It’s hard to describe my affinity for night but the best way I can put it is the dark is ‘quieter’. If you’ve ever lived where there’s snow - lots of snow, you know the quiet that seems to envelop everything because the snow is absorbing sound - the world feels temporarily muted. That’s kind of what the dark feels like to me. The world becomes a little quieter and the later it gets, the quieter it gets. In some ways this makes sense - there’s less traffic, less movement from neighbors, just less… I used to work in the tech industry and the word ‘quiesce’ is used when referring to processes. I think it’s a great word to describe how the night/dark feels to me.
I discovered just how much the light bothers me when I moved to Scotland. I remember visiting Scotland years ago when my girls were young. It was summer and I remember looking at them sound asleep and it was daylight out - and it was almost 11pm! When I moved to Scotland it was winter. I was really excited for the short days - the days that people with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) dread. When the longer days started to arrive, I’d send my family photos with message such as ‘yup, it’s STILL light here!’. STILL light… By the end of June, I realized I was really edgy, I couldn’t settle - all because I couldn’t find that dark that I needed to unwind, to relax - to quiesce.
I should mention indoor lighting as there are some types of lights I really can not bear. Both fluorescent and CFL (Compact Fluorescent Lamps) bulbs are the worst. I don’t like the light they give off, but worse than that is the vibration. I have chronic migraines and these lights will trigger a migraine (which is another story for another time), and I know I’m not alone in this. I generally keep my house fairly dark, I don’t need a lot of light - I know where stuff is. I’ve been likened to fungus (mushrooms) - there’s worse things, right?
*Sleep is something that eludes me, so ‘sleeping soundly’ isn’t quite accurate. I’ll address sleep in another entry - I know this is a complicated issue for many.
Please note: what I describe here is my own experience and while many may experience the same or similar sensations, many of you may not. Everyone’s experience of being an HSP is unique and the more we can understand, the more we can support one another.