Sound or noise is probably my biggest challenge and it’s pervasive. Trying to find quiet these days is next to impossible and it’s something that’s very hard to explain to people who are not highly sensitive. Absolute exhaustion follows after only a few minutes in a noisy environment, it utterly depletes me - I’m done in.
When I mention noise, it’s assumed I mean a particularly loud environment or some sort of noise that is louder than average, this isn’t the case. Recently I was in a waiting room and there was a radio on, presumably for our entertainment. I lasted all of 1 minute before I asked reception if there was somewhere quiet I could wait. I’ve had people look at me like I’m mad - they don’t hear the noise. I felt as though I’d go mad if I had to endure that radio for another second. This is something that is difficult to describe and for most of my life, I thought it was just me.
I don’t watch movies - that’s 2 whole hours of noise, at least. WAY beyond what I can manage. I don’t go out to eat (often) - the noise would turn a lovely meal into pure hell. It’s hard to avoid ever going out for a coffee, and I wouldn’t want to, but I know what I have to do to make it manageable. For example, I know after a certain amount of time (it depends on the noise level), I’m going to start checking out - it’s self-preservation, but if I’m out for coffee with someone, I’m there because I want to be so I sort of have to put my system on manual so I can override my body’s natural response of shutting down. I also have to make sure I have a least 2 days after to recover. I don’t like using the word ‘recover’, it insinuates I did not have a good time. Maybe recharge is a better word? I feel ‘over-charged’ when I encounter a lot of noise so perhaps that isn’t right either. I’ll think on this.
It’s interesting how the effect of noise has changed for me over the years. The noise I could endure years ago, I can no longer manage. It could be due to multiple traumas, or it could simply be because I’m getting old and crotchety, that’s a distinct possibility too.
For example, I grew up with music all around me - my house was filled with music, from my grandmother playing the piano and singing to my mum who always had a tune playing around her head somewhere. Plus all my family’s stories had some sort of musical score to them, like the time my mum was pulled over in The Hague and offered the bewildered police a little ‘Paradise by the Dashboard Light’… I don’t think they were amused. As a child, anything I said generally sparked a song or a poem from either my grandparents or my mum - something that was really frustrating to an excited 5-year old. That has changed though, and I felt the shift after I lost my mum so it could simply be that association, I’m not sure, but I’m sad that it’s something that’s no longer a part of my life. I can listen to music occasionally, but I have to be alone and I have to be JUST in the right place in my head.
Another facet of this is that I hear ALL the noises… It’s not just a conversation behind me in a cafe, but I clearly hear all the conversations from all the tables around me, plus the bar, the waitstaff, the clinking of glasses and utensils, the sound of chairs being scraped across a floor, the heating/cooling system, ceiling fans, people walking, doors opening/closing, laughter, things being dropped, traffic outside, phones ringing, text messages pinging…. You get the idea. All this information enters my brain in a nanosecond and I have to sort it out - no wonder I’m exhausted!
This is just a tiny glimpse inside the head of an HSP and what noise feels like. It’s an assault on the body and it’s only one piece of the puzzle. While trying to manage ALL the noises, there are also sights (lights), smells, touch, and taste and 90% of the time, there are at least 2 senses working overtime to protect me until I can reach safety. Sound is such a complex thing, at least for me, so I’m sure I’ll have more to say on this subject.
Please note: what I describe here is my own experience and while many may experience the same or similar sensations, many of you may not. Everyone’s experience of being an HSP is unique and the more we can understand, the more we can support one another.